Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
