Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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