I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
