I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
