shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
