I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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