the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
