ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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