I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
