She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize