Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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