Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
