you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
