i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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