I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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