Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
