Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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