I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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