I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Randomize
