return my video game
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
