happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
