This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
