I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
