She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Houston, we have a blender
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
