God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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