I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
