good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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