my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I love having hate sex.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
