woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
