One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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