You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
