He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
