I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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