Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can you bring me the toilet please
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize