oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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