Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
