Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
