I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
