There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
