I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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