Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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