If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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