remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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