I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
