he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
