im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
well you can't waste a boner
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
