its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
