4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
