Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
