The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
